Dreaming, Oh Aren't We Dreaming Dreaming, Oh Aren't We Dreaming
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Dreaming, Oh Aren't We Dreaming
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Weeping. Quietly, violently weeping.

So I got stopped by the police for the first time tonight, while I was thinking about you.

I was driving home from a friends, it’s around 2 am now- and I don’t know what happened,
Suddenly something came over me and pictures and memories of you just flooded
Flooded my mind to the point where I guess I lost control of the wheel
I didn’t know what I was doing, but I was heading towards the cemetery

You know, you’d think I’d have come by now
You would think I would have been decent enough to come to see you
But I can’t

Luckily the roads were clear, but I saw the flashing lights in my rear view mirror and I realized I hadn’t been aware
Like I had lost it and gave in to whatever is going on subliminally in my head

Once they saw I was a young female, both of them almost shrugged it off
I just said the truth, I said I was just thinking of you and they didn’t understand
Of course they didn’t
So they just said to get home safe.

Now I find myself in my bed, Sammy cuddling in my arms- watching your funeral
Watching us, how we each walked like zombies, robots down the aisle towards your
Oh, your beautiful and wooden casket

I find myself feeling tears
Strolling, streaming down both cheeks, like they were gently placed there by angels

Angels who are with you now
Angels who took you in the first place

I wonder where you are. I wonder how you are and who you’re with- and if you can read these words
I wonder how I’m supposed to carry on
If I’ll have to be carried
I wonder how grandpa is doing, really
And how this lump in my chest is going to ever leave me

I hurt,
I hurt so intensely
So deeply- to the core of my soul and it won’t go away

I wish you were here
I wish you hadn’t gone so quickly
I have no regrets, grandma
I miss you- I miss you more than words could ever express

But i love you more
So much more- and that’s what boggles my mind.

With all my love,
“Bethy”


this song is dedicated for gram. oh does it help soothe the share sting- even if it’s for three minutes at a time. I miss you every minute.

I wish you could see the flowers sprouting from the cracks of your ribs, and the stars lining the inside of your eyelids- but for some reason you can only see the thorns growing up your neck and that breaks me

There are days like today when you are the clouding in my mind
When you are the piercing in my heart
When you are the salt in these tears

I haven’t come to see you because in all honesty,
I don’t know if i can
I don’t know if I can bear the weight of just staring at the frozen ground
That is slowly softening itself

Where flowers will spring out of soon
On which young children will play

And there you lay, buried
Sunken

There are times in my life where my reason loses its touch
Where my hurt gets the best of me
That day is today

I miss you, I miss every second of every minute of every moment we spent together
I miss your smile and your laugh and your touch

I miss holding you when there were no words to say

You believed in me
You believed in all of me

You believed in my hopes and my dreams and you loved me

I can’t fathom a life without you;
These days feel so surreal
But I will be strong because that’s how you would have been

I will love you forever
I will carry you, forever.

writingsforwinter:

When my grandmother first said β€œthose” three words to my grandfather,

she said them by tossing a pinch of salt over her shoulder at their wedding.

When I first really said them, they were to myself as an apology

for nineteen years of viewing my body as a wound in need…